her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
