absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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