i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
