that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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