Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
