I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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