She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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