they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
