you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to rekindle our bromance
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
