i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
