You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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