My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
