You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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