i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize