I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
