You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
