Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
