Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
