Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
