Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
