Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
