remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
