Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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