you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
