I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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