Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
