I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
