babies were throwing up all over the place
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
