i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
