and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
