Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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