She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize