Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you win again, gameday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
