I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dick has a subreddit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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