omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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