Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
