Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
