Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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