So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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