i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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