my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
