Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
