can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
