Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
