I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
