he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
