Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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