I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
