so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
