Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
