I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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