come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize