While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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