I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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