Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
