SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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