After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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