Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize