i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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