i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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