Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
