you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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