i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize