just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
