I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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