I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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