he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize